In Part 1 of this article, the Land of Substance Abuse seemed so far away.  You once heard the distant cries of outrage about an overdose or drug-related robbery, but your journey never took you anywhere near that fearful place.

But now you find discarded syringes and forged prescription scripts scattered about your footpath.  You quickly realise that life's journey has taken you perilously close, and you need Tools to Survive the Land of Substance Abuse.
 
Tools to Survive the Land of Substance Abuse
 
Distress Tolerance and Problem Solving Tools
In the Land of Substance Abuse, your distress is dampened.  You are distracted from, or numbed to, the emotional pain, and so you believe the illusion that it solves all of your problems.  This is an illusion because the Land of Substance Abuse only creates more problems.  And if you are not careful, you could forever become trapped in this dangerous Land.

There are alternative ways to deal with your distress and better ways to solve your problems.  If you are too quickly turning back towards the Land of Substance Abuse, you may need help in the early days of recovery.  If you have never gone rock climbing, you don't just jump off the side of a cliff and hope for the best.  There are trained professionals to help you, at least in the early days, to get you on your way.

These trained professionals will help you to develop better tools for distress tolerance and problem-solving, and these include tools from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).  These are very accessible forms of therapy, and there are worksheets and handouts widely available. 
 
Multi-Purpose Travel Companion Tools
Your Travel Companions are Multi-Purpose Tools to help you Survive the Land of Substance Abuse.  They offer you the following different Tools, depending on your given need:

• The Tool of Support, to keep you strong and persistent in your journey away from the Land of Substance Abuse
• The Tool of Honest Feedback about when you are becoming a jerk and the Substances are ruling your life (or in danger of doing so)
• The Tool of Connection, to give you the comfort and sense of belonging that can keep you far from the Land of Substance Abuse. 

In my article Surviving Connection and Relationship, I mentioned a study carried out by Professor Alexander of Simon Fraser University (Vancouver).  Professor Alexander set up a rat colony with lots of things to entertain the rats, and he offered them a bottle with water and a bottle with drugs. 
 
Professor Alexander discovered that the rats were only interested in the drugs when they were in isolation.  When they were allowed to run free with other rats, when they could connect with each other, they barely touched the drugs at all.  Some argue that the truth to Substance Abuse lies in connection to others, or the lack of it.
 
Rebuild Base Camp

As we saw in Part 1 of this article, some of us journey to the Land of Substance Abuse because our Base Camp is broken.  Why stay in a camp with a leaking tent, no dry wood for a fire, and dwindling food rations?

For some of us, who were given the Male Label at birth, but who identify as Gender Diverse, a member of the LGBTQ+ community (because of our sexuality), or a Person of Color, we turn to the Land of Substance Abuse to cope with the Minority Stress that we experience at a broken Base Camp.  (I discuss the concept of Minority Stress in my article Surviving the Dark Void of Depression Part 2.)

If we are really going to Survive the Land of Substance Abuse, we need to fix our broken Base Camp.  We need to tackle the sources of Minority Stress, and so we need to tackle structural oppression in the form of

• Transphobia
• Biphobia
• Homophobia
• Racism

The American Psychological Association (APA) has made several suggestions to tackle this structural oppression, and these are set out in the 2018 Report (a full copy is attached to this article).  One of their suggestions is to allow for better access to employment, and better job security, for people who are Gender Diverse, other members of the LGBTQ+ community, and Persons of Colour. At this very moment, the Supreme  Court is deciding whether or not to afford protection to federal employees who fear being fired simply for their Sexuality or Gender Identity.  Imagine how unsettling that might be right now for any federal employee who is in this category.

If we are to truly Survive the Land of Substance Abuse, our survival does not just depend on an individual's efforts.  No matter how well-crafted a person's Tools, if their Base Camp is broken, then we, as a society, need to tackle the structural oppression that takes the form of transphobia, biphobia, homophobia, and racism.
​
So what do you think?
Does any of this resonate with you?  Get in touch by sending me a message privately via the Contact Page, or add a public comment below, and engage in the debate.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
Pronouns: (they/them/theirs)
Therapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
https://www.chriswarrendickins.com/
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

References

1. American Psychological Association, Guidelines for Working with Men, 2018 (APA Guidelines, 2018)
2. American Psychological Association, APA Working Group on Health Disparities in Boys and Men. (2018) (APA Report 2018 B)

 

In Part 1 of this article, we discovered a cave that we called the Dark Void of Depression.  Because of our Male Label, we found ourselves barely able to escape, because of the Trifold Societal Trap. 
 
The Trifold Societal Trap (a recap) -

• Trap # 1 – The Male Labelled are conditioned to not identify, nor seek help for, emotional distress.
• Trap # 2 – Even if the Male Labelled do seek help, sometimes what is offered has not been designed for the Male Labelled
• Trap # 3 – If the Male Labelled manage to seek help, the Depression is sometimes misinterpreted as ‘aggression’ or ‘anger’

 
Depression, Gender Identity, Sexuality, and Ethnicity
In 2018 the American Psychological Association (APA) issued various reports to confirm that Depression is a critical issue for the Male Labelled, particularly when that Male Label intersects with other parts of a person’s identity (APA Guidelines 2018, and APA Report 2018b).
 
What this means for Survival is that even if you escape the Trifold Societal Trap, there is another Trap for you if your Male Label intersects with another part of your identity.  For example, -

• If you are Gender Diverse
• If you are another member of the LGBTQ+ community because of your Sexuality
• If you are a Person of Color

The additional Trap that lies in wait for you is the Trap of Minority Stress.

The Trap of Minority Stress 
The Minority Stress Model was developed by I.H. Meyer, and Meyer claimed there are two types of stressors -
 
1.  Distal Minority Stress, which are external stressors such as discrimination (transphobia, biphobia, homophobia, or racism), rejection, or violence experienced because of a person's identity as a minority
2. Proximal Minority Stress, which are internal stressors developed as a result of the above-mentioned external stressors.  For example, someone might develop internalized negative beliefs (such as internalized racism, internalized transphobia, internalized biphobia, or internalized homophobia).  Or they may live in constant fear of further discrimination, or they may endure stress as a result of concealing their true identity.

So what can we do about all of this?
The APA Report 2018b stressed the importance of developing Resilience against the Dark Void of Depression.  The APA claims that we can develop Resilience when people have the following - 

• ‘A greater sense of control over social and political forces’
• ‘Access to culturally responsive interventions’
• ‘Healthy cultural identities’
• ‘Less rigid notions of masculinity’
• ‘Spirituality and religiosity’

The APA highlighted several structural changes that are needed to tackle the issue of Minority Stress and Depression.  These include - 

1.  A focus on strengths rather than deficits.  In other words, we need to stop pathologizing people based on their Male Label, their true Gender Identity, their Sexuality, or their Ethnicity. 
Instead, we need to -

• Try and understand people, their history, and their current context, and
• Help people to use what resources they already have, and
• Help people to develop further resources

2.  An understanding of how certain beliefs and expectations may impact on a person.  We cannot escape a society of labels.  For example, there are certain beliefs and expectations about the label 'Masculinity'.  And yet the reality is that people are far more complex than those labels.  So what does this dissonance mean to the individual?  How do they experience this?  And how does society react to them as a result of this dissonance?

The Dark Void of Depression is far from a personal experience.  We all have a part to play in keeping people trapped in that Darkness.  As a result, we all have a part to play in finding those glimpses of light and helping all of our travel companions along the way to the full light of day.

So what do you think?
Does any of this resonate with you?  Get in touch by sending me a message privately via the Contact Page, or add a public comment below, and engage in the debate.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
Pronouns: (they/them/theirs)
Therapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
https://www.chriswarrendickins.com/
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook


References

1. American Psychological Association, Guidelines for Working with Men, 2018 (APA Guidelines 2018)
2. American Psychological Association, APA Working Group on Health Disparities in Boys and Men. (2018) (APA Report 2018 B)

 

​In Part 1 of this article, I introduced you to Blue.  Blue was someone who had been labelled Male, and Blue was someone I met one Christmas when I was working at a homeless shelter. By the following Christmas, Blue had died by suicide.
 
Blue is often the colour of the Male Label, but it is also used to represent Depression. And yet often the Male Labelled are assumed to be impenetrable by Depression.  The trouble is, when we do not expect to see something, we often miss what is standing right in front of us.
 
Perhaps that is what happened to Blue.  Perhaps he showed all the warning signs to the people around him, but they missed his life-threatening Depression because he was carrying the Male Label.  I will never really know the answer to this, but I will never forget the wisdom Blue shared with me.  I hope that by sharing this wisdom, I will prevent other people from slipping Beyond the Blue of Depression, and beyond the reach of any help.
 
Blue told me that they had been living homeless near St Paul’s Cathedral (in London) for about a year.  During that time, Blue would spend each morning watching the office workers rushing to work. If Blue reached out to ask for spare change, the office workers would shrink away, perhaps fearful that Blue’s bad luck was somehow contagious.
 
‘One missed rent or mortgage payment’ Blue would declare.  ‘That is all that separates those office workers from me.’
 
And Blue was right.  Blue was right about the financial aspect, but the same can be said for the Depression.  Too many of us shrink away from mental illness as if it is a contagious disease.  And yet as we travel through life’s journey, it only takes one misplaced foot, and we too may find ourselves toppling over the edge and into that rocky ravine.
 
So how can we Survive the Blue?
Here are Four Red Flags that we need to look out for, so we don’t end up toppling over the cliff and into the Blue of Depression –
 
B stands for Beliefs, about yourself, others, and the world around you. If you hold onto restrictive, inflexible beliefs about how you, others, and the world should be, the easier it is to slip into Depression. Life’s journey is unpredictable, and we are learning all the time. If you accept this as true, you will need balanced and flexible beliefs to respond to such uncertainty.
 
L stands for Love (and the lack of it). The less love we experience, whether it is love for ourselves or others, the more vulnerable we are to the Blue of Depression. 
Yet these days we devalue love in favour of transactions. If we have clicked like, or shared a photo, we delude ourselves into believing that this is enough. 
True love is a true human connection, an eye-balling moment that involves more than just one of our five senses. We don’t even have to agree with the person, let alone ‘like’ them, but we should savour the special quality of the moment with that person. We should live and breathe it.
 
U stands for Urgency, and the rush of life today. The more we get caught up in it, and we lose a sense of ourselves, the more we are likely to fall into the Blue of Depression. 
We barely have a moment to breathe because of the number of multi-layered interactions we are engaged in. We are consumed by instant messages, sharing, liking, and this is not just confined to our social lives. Our work life is equally multi-layered so that our every working day becomes threadbare and devoid of substance.
Calm yourself to one thing at a time, no matter how much the urgency tries to convince you to do otherwise.  
 
E stands for Escape from the swirl of chaos that is our current state of interaction. With all this second-guessing, and loss of tone of voice with emails and text messages, so much is misunderstood or lost entirely. Our minds end up shutting down, because we have gone into sensory overload, and there is a danger that we will end up escaping via unhealthy means, such as a blank-eyed state using alcohol, drugs, or food.
Instead of trying to escape, acknowledge the present moment.  Mindfulness can help with this, where we remain aware of our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations, but we do not try to push them away or hold onto them, because ultimately they will lose their intensity.
 
I wish Blue had survived to get help for their Depression, but I hope Blue’s wisdom can help you, or even someone you know.
 
So what do you think?
Does any of this resonate with you?  Get in touch by sending me a message privately via the Contact Page, or add a public comment below, and engage in the debate
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
Pronouns: (they/them/theirs)
Therapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
https://www.chriswarrendickins.com/
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook 

In Part 1 of this article, we stepped carefully through the thorny bushland that is sexual violation.  We learned that at least one in six people who are Male Labelled (given a Male Label at birth) have been sexually violated (1in6.org). And we also learned that it takes someone who is Male Labelled an average of 22 years to speak about their experiences as a Survivor of sexual violation.
 
When that person finally decides to speak out, even if it is 22 years later, they are embarking on an essential journey towards a place where they can feel safe and connected to others again. 

Talking to a trained professional, such as a psychotherapist, can help a Survivor do three things –
 
1. Establish safety 
A Survivor needs to feel safe in the open landscape, but also they need to feel safe in their own body.  Deep relaxation and grounding exercises are required to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (our body's internal soothing system), so the Survivor’s body is not permanently fixed in ‘fight or flight’ mode. 
There are numerous relaxation and grounding exercises available (for free), so it is down to personal preference, but my favourites include

• Progressive Relaxation,
• The Four Elements, and
• Mindfulness Exercises such as Loving Kindness Meditation, and the Three Minute Breathing Space. 

If you cannot find any exercises yourself, send me an email and I can send you links to these.
 
2. Retell the story 
Talking to a trained professional about their trauma helps a Survivor to retell their story of sexual violation with a sense of control.  This process can also help the Survivor to allocate blame and responsibility firmly with the Perpetrator.
 
3. Reconnect with society
To help the Survivor heal, they need to reconnect with the people they consider important to them (whether that is friends, family, or both).  This can restore a sense of trust and faith in humankind. 
 
Therapy
There are different types of psychotherapy available, and one particularly effective approach for trauma is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy (EMDR). EMDR is recognized as an “A” level of treatment for trauma, recommended by the World Health Organization and the National Institute for Clinical Excellence. 
 
Friends and Family
When a Survivor is ready to talk to friends and family, they must be given the right type of support.  Here is some guidance on that –
 
1.   Sexual Violation is not about a sexual act, nor sexuality. Sexual violation is an act of violence, it is not a sexual act.  As a result, it has nothing to do with a person’s sexuality.  The perpetrator intends to overpower or humiliate or hurt the Survivor, not to engage in a sexual act
 
2.   The Survivor needs to be believed. Don’t assume the Survivor knows that you believe them.  Communicate this clearly to them, because it might be the first time that they have heard this.
 
3.   The Survivor’s emotions are valid, no matter what they are. The Survivor has had something taken away from them, so they must be allowed to feel whatever they feel.  They may initially feel nothing, or they may feel scared or angry or ashamed. All of this is valid, and you should try to communicate that you have heard the nature and depth of each of their emotions. 
 
4.   They will need to grieve. As the Survivor has had something taken from them, they need to mourn this loss.  The loss could be a previous identity, a loss of a sense of safety (at least for now), a loss of their virginity, a loss of childhood, or even a loss of family or friends who may have been connected to the Perpetrator
 
Be kind to the Survivor, and be kind to yourself
Go gently, and be kind to the Survivor, but also be kind to yourself. Sometimes witnessing someone else’s trauma can be traumatising for you.  You may need a little bit of self-care, so try a simple relaxation or grounding exercise, and see where you go from there. Let me know if you need links to any of these exercises.
 
So what do you think?
Does any of this resonate with you?  Get in touch by sending me a message privately via the Contact Page, or add a public comment below, and engage in the debate.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
Pronouns: (they/them/theirs)
Therapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
https://www.chriswarrendickins.com/
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

Born with a Male Label, you are expected to keep going through life’s journey.  Go it alone if you have to, but don’t ask for help. But what if the fog of Depression descends?  How do you find your way through without veering too close to the cliff’s edge?
 
The ideal is to get help, and professional help if you can.  (Think therapist parachuted straight to your current location.)  But this is often far from reality.  There are many obstacles in the way of professional help, and so you need to tool up to help yourself until the professionals arrive.
 
Don’t Listen to the Enemy Within
In that fog of Depression, the biggest threat that you will face is the Enemy Within. He lies deep within you and he whispers cruel criticisms that burn your confidence like acid.  Nothing you do is ever good enough, and there are times when you wonder why you bother at all.
 
You have to stop listening to that Jackass.  You would never let the Enemy Within criticise and dismiss someone you love, so why allow him to talk to you that way?  Why not try a bit of Self-Compassion to quieten the Enemy Within?
 
Self-Compassion is kryptonite for the Enemy Within
I guess, like most people, you have been raised to think of others. Self-Compassion is one of those words that leaves people feeling just a little bit icky.  The same can be said for Self-care, Self-Esteem, and Self-Love. 

I guess the fear is that by ‘selfing’, you are going to be viewed as selfish or indulgent.  Far better to think of others, right?  And thinking of others is all very noble, but if you neglect yourself so much that you end up forever lost in the fog, or falling over the edge of a cliff, how is that helpful for anyone?
 
You don’t need to neglect others to exercise a bit of Self-Compassion.  It only takes one or two times a day to reflect on something you did well or something you did not do so badly. 

​And if that is not enough to quieten the Enemy Within, try a bit of reality-testing:  Find evidence to dispute whatever the Enemy is bitching about.  If he calls you a ‘Failure’ for missing a deadline, look for all the times you have met a deadline.  And does one missed deadline mean you are a complete Failure?
 
Unconditional Self-Esteem
The Enemy Within, with that caustic, self-critical voice, feeds on your sense of Self-Esteem. If the Enemy Within had his way, you would have none of it left, so you need to protect it from him.  To do this, you have to appreciate the intrinsic value of you; you have value regardless of any external achievement.  You are of value because you are a human being, not because of the size of your bank account, the size of your group of friends, or the size of your house. The Enemy Within will try to distract you with these glittery things, so you are so busy pursuing them that you overlook the most valuable part of you:  Your intrinsic worth, Male Label and all.

It can be lonely journeying through life with the Male Label slapped on your back.  And when the fog of Depression descends, it can be easy to get lost.  But with just a little bit of Self-Compassion and Self-Esteem, you will feel your way through to a clearer state of mind.

So what do you think?
Does any of this resonate with you?  Get in touch by sending me a message privately via the Contact Page, or add a public comment below, and engage in the debate
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC 
Pronouns: (they/them/theirs)
Therapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
https://www.chriswarrendickins.com/
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook