Even in adulthood, childhood trauma can leave you believing that

1. The world is unsafe
2. You are defective, or
3. You are powerless

Here are some of the signs that you might still be struggling as a result of childhood trauma –

1. You are on edge, jumpy, and nervous, or you lash out (at yourself, or others)
2. You constantly experience intrusive negative thoughts, or you relive disturbing moments from your childhood.
3. You blank out, or you feel numb, or you lose chunks of time.

All is not lost. There are ways to regain a sense of safety, power, and a sense of meaning. Psychotherapy offers you the unconditional positive regard needed to rebuild a sense of trust, and to learn how to live fully again.

​Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.chriswarrendickins.com
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate
​#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

In a patriarchal society such as the United States, the male label is associated with assumed power and privilege. The injustice created by the recent ‘not guilty’ verdict in the Rittenhouse case shows a perfect example of this power and privilege.
 
But the true extent of this power and privilege is only realized when it intersects with white privilege, cisgender privilege, heterosexual privilege, or socioeconomic privilege. For example, the male label affords people of color little power and privilege when you consider the high levels of violence committed against them, especially when many of the perpetrators of that violence are white male labeled police officers. How many times have we seen these white male labeled people smirking as they walk free of consequences for the harm that they have inflicted?
 
Instead of walking free, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was shot dead. Instead of smirking in a courtroom as a judge bends over backwards to accommodate the suspect’s plea, 12-year-old Tamir Rice was also shot dead. People of color of all ages are being killed, hurt, and imprisoned for minor offences, and yet Rittenhouse’s white male label carried enough power and privilege to ensure that he endured no consequences for ending two lives and ruining a third.
 
The Rittenhouse decision is even more worrying when it sets a precedent for shooting people (even if you are illegally carrying that weapon) if you feel threatened. The interpretation of those events is often made by people with power and privilege (police officers, the judiciary), and this is often the white, male, cisgender, heterosexual people of a certain socioeconomic status. Just look at the composition of the Supreme Court, and this is even more worrying when we know that they are likely to permit the right to carry concealed weapons in public.
 
An urgent need for change
 
There are so many parts to this, but one urgent need for change is the way we view the male label. As a psychotherapist, I see daily the harm that results from the assumptions that are associated with the male label in this patriarchal society.
 
The harm associated with the male label comprises the following toxic cycle:
 
The male labeled are expected to remain silent and strong, focusing outwards, on gain and power. As a result, the male label acts as a blindfold, leaving them unaware of, or unable to handle, the intricacies of their emotions and thoughts.
 
In turn, we don’t expect the male labeled to suffer from depression, anxiety, and trauma, and even mental health professionals can be blinded by the male label. As evidence of this, some point to the high rates of diagnosis of externalizing disorders (oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, etc) amongst the male labeled.
 
There is also a societal ‘ickiness’ or cognitive dissonance when we start to discuss the vulnerabilities associated with the male label. It is as if we would prefer to believe in that strength than admit that we are all vulnerable to depression, anxiety, or trauma.
 
But we are not just talking about a homogenous group. Healthcare professionals can also be blinded by racism, transphobia, biphobia, and homophobia, making them more likely to misdiagnose an externalizing disorder rather than depression, anxiety, and trauma. And the Rittenhouse case is likely to exacerbate any symptoms of trauma because it offers a clear message to any person of color: You are a target. It is widely recognized that to live with the threat of discrimination, whether it is racism, transphobia, homophobia, or biphobia, exacerbates symptoms of trauma (such as hypervigilance, flashbacks, and dissociation). Something the white, cisgender, heterosexual male does not have to endure.
 
The male labeled are not inherently violent and aggressive, we just create a society that leaves them little opportunity to handle emotional distress in an alternative way. When you add white privilege, cisgender privilege, heterosexual privilege, and socioeconomic privilege, we end up with appalling results such as the Rittenhouse case. However, this is no surprise when we elected the figurehead of violent white male privilege in 2016, despite his admission that he could shoot somebody on 5th Avenue and not lose voters.
 
The violent privilege of the white male label has emerged. It has always been there, but in 2016 it was given the Presidential seal of approval.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Author of Beyond the Blue, and psychotherapist in Ridgewood, New Jersey
www.chriswarrendickins.com
 
 

The other weekend Saturday Night Live (SNL) came up with the ‘man park’. Acknowledging that men are often isolated and don’t talk about their emotions, SNL thought it was funny to offer a safe place (in the form of what looked like a dog park) where men can meet other men. It was funny but it underscored a serious message: Men don’t seek help when they should, and this creates a less safe society for everyone.
 
A friend told me about the sketch because I have spent years working as a psychotherapist with the male labeled, and I recently wrote a book (Beyond the Blue), offering the male labeled survival strategies for depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma. As the United States is a patriarchal society, the male label is associated with presumed power and privilege. There are issues of hyper-masculinity, toxic masculinity, and incels… So why the hell (you might ask) would I write a book to help the male labeled?
 
How it started: Helping the male labeled to survive and thrive
 
Like the ice-cold blue of death, the picture appears bleak for the male labeled: There are higher rates of suicide, more survivors of trauma, and less help-seeking behavior. Having watched the pain caused by my uncle’s suicide, I carried out qualitative research in 2010, focusing on the male label as a factor in suicidal ideation and help-seeking. During that process, it became clear that the male label often silenced people when they needed help the most.
 
This message was repeatedly confirmed over the years in my practice as a psychotherapist. We are conditioned to make certain associations between the male label and strength, silence, and stoicism. There is an emphasis on independence and external gain at the expense of introspection or self-awareness, and, as a result, the male label poses a significant obstacle when it comes to help-seeking and depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma.
 
There is a myth that depression does not affect the male labeled, and yet I believe that there is a large dark underbelly of undetected depression (and trauma) amongst the male labeled. Given the expectations associated with the male label, we do not expect the male labeled to be depressed, and so, just as we would not expect to see a black swan, we do not recognize it when it is standing right before us.
 
Explosive anger and an incessant need to overwork are just two of many signs of depression, anxiety, or trauma, and yet these can be used to pathologize the help-seeking male labeled. In the United States, there is a higher rate of diagnosis of the male labeled when it comes to externalizing disorders such as attention-deficit disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, conduct disorder, antisocial personality disorder, or substance-related disorders.  Some argue that these diagnoses are given to the male labeled at a higher rate because the male label blinds the diagnosing healthcare professionals to other potential diagnoses, such as depression, anxiety, and trauma, and so, without the right help, the toxic cycle is left to continue. 
 
How it’s going: Achieving a safer, healthier society for everyone
 
Just as we might understand mental health and help-seeking behavior through an understanding of the male label (and the associations we make), to only look at the blue of the male sex label would be to paint an overly simplistic picture. There are as many different shades of human identity as there are variations in the rates of suicide, trauma, and successful help-seeking behavior. Factors that impact these variations include structural oppression in the form of socio-economic factors, racism, transphobia, biphobia, and homophobia (to name but a few).
 
Let’s face it: Most of the problems about hyper or toxic masculinity are caused by the cisgender, straight, white dude. In terms of survivors of trauma, there is an exceptionally high rate of violence against people of color, perpetrated by white male labeled police officers. And if you want to look at one type of trauma, sexual violence, there are more survivors amongst the female labeled (and as a parent of two daughters, this fact does not escape me).  There are also staggeringly high numbers of survivors amongst people who are transgender, especially transgender people of color, and the higher rate of diagnosis of externalizing disorders is compounded when we consider issues of racism, transphobia, biphobia, and homophobia.
 
Beyond the blue
 
To look at the blue of the male label alone would give an overly simplistic picture, but we also cannot ignore it. When it comes to the male label, we make certain associations, and this has a serious impact on whether or not people get help for depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma. And if we don’t start to look for the black swans of the male labeled depressed, their symptoms (including explosive anger, an incessant need for control, and constant overworking) will create a less safe society for everyone.
 
Take a black swan for a walk in the ‘man park’?
 
This Thanksgiving, when you gather around the table to share turkey with male labeled family members or friends, consider whether there is a black swan sitting right next to you. They may not want a walk in the ‘man park’ but you could offer them a chance to redirect their focus away from external gain and inwards, to their emotional needs. And in time, we will get beyond the blue of the male label, and beyond the blue of untreated depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma. For the sake of us all.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
(They / Them)
Psychotherapist and author of Beyond the Blue
www.chriswarrendickins.com

#snl #saturdaynightlive
 

One of you will receive a free paperback copy of Beyond the Blue, my new survival guide for depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma.

What better way to count down to Thanksgiving?! And this is my way of thanking you for your support before the launch.

How to enter -

1. Like and share this post. You must be following me on Instagram @chriswarrendickinswriter
2. Comment below what you think is the greatest risk to mental health
3. Tag as many of your friends and family as possible to a separate comment below, suggesting one solution to the risk to mental health
4. Share this post and tag me into any of your posts or stories

You have until the night before Thanksgiving to enter.

Good luck!

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.chriswarrendickins.com
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate

#beyondthebluebook #beyondtheblue #bibliophile #goodreads #bookstgrammer #readwithjenna #bookinspo #bookworm
#bookstagram #bookcase #booktok #bookofthemonth #bookblog #bookstack
#reesesbookclub #oprahsbookclub
#bookaholic #bookshelf
#bergenmama #bergencounty
#ridgewoodmoms #ridgewoodNJ
#bergencountynj #nj #bergencountyevents #thanksgiving #thanksgivingnj

The trouble with anxiety is that it plays with your perspective. You underestimate your strengths and resources, and you overestimate the dangers ahead.

Don't let anxiety win.

Gently expose yourself to what you fear, and eventually you will see that the peak of anxiety subsides. And you survive.
​
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.chriswarrendickins.com
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate
​#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

"​No matter how hard you try to get beyond the blue of your depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, or trauma, you might still need professional help.  Here are some of the reasons why:
 

• You haven’t the time to work it out on your own (you are probably getting eyestrain from the glare of your phone as you try to Google answers to these problems).
• Your friends or family do not have time to listen to you.
• Your friends or family listen, but they do not listen objectively.
• You feel guilty about burdening your friends or family.

 
More seriously, you might be in need of help because the level of your need surpasses the help that can be offered in this Survival Guide.  This is why healthcare professionals were invented, and so here is a list of different ones you could approach:
 
·       Licensed professional counselors
·       Licensed clinical social workers
·       Psychotherapists
·       Psychiatrists
·       Psychologists.
 
Other professionals, such as primary care physicians or registered nurse practitioners, might have some knowledge about how to help you, but (unlike the above-mentioned professionals) mental health is not their primary area of expertise.
 
Whichever type of healthcare professional you choose to engage, you need to recognize what constitutes the good, the bad, and the downright ugly forms of help.  You deserve a trained and experienced professional who can see beyond the blue of the male label, and beyond any preconceived notions that are tainted by racism, transphobia, biphobia, homophobia, or any other type of prejudice. 
 
Separating the Good from the Bad and Ugly Forms of Help
 
Striving for accessible mental healthcare is all well and good, but what if you finally get to access the healthcare and it is far from adequate? 
 
Do you recognize any of the signs of Bad and Ugly Help?" 

​Read more in Beyond the Blue, out now in paperback and ebook.

​Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.chriswarrendickins.com
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate
​#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

Well that was nerve-wracking...!

Here is a little read of Beyond the Blue, as posted live on Facebook earlier today.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
www.chriswarrendickins.com
Psychotherapist, writer, educator, and LGBTQ+ advocate
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook ​