Spring is already a season of uncertainty (I tried to arrange an outdoor playdate yesterday, and I experienced all seasons in one day!), but for the last two years we have been experiencing an unprecedented level of uncertainty. We have had to adapt to a pandemic, and various strains of COVID, and there has been a lingering threat of a world war.

No matter how much uncertainty exists in world affairs, you can create a sense of stability within yourself. I hope some of these blog posts and links to resources help you to do that. 

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook  

As a psychotherapist I have noticed a worrying uptick in the number of clients in crisis, and so I want to share some crisis management skills.  These were invented by Marsha Linehan who created a type of therapy called DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy).

When you are in crisis, you are at risk of doing something impulsive, something harmful that you might not otherwise choose to do. When your brain becomes overwhelmed, it can be hard to think straight, so these crisis skills carve out a little more time and space, to allow you to stop and reflect on what you are doing. A second chance to make a different choice.
 
Here is the booklet of DBT crisis skills. These can be useful to learn, but not at the time of a crisis. Start to learn them now, to prepare for the next crisis.
 
If you are currently in crisis, or you know that someone is currently, please take yourself (or them) to the Emergency Room of your nearest hospital, or call 911 (or your alternative local emergency telephone number) so the emergency services can help with this.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook  ​

More and more people are experiencing burnout. I do not need to point to the contributing factors, you just have to turn on the news, but I do need to point out the significance of burnout to the way your brain functions.
 
You can recognize burnout via a whole range of symptoms, and these are just some for you to think about: An apathy for the things that you once cared about, a sense of exhaustion, and an overall negative outlook.
 
Why you should care about burnout
There is a worrying trend amongst some to wear burnout as a badge of honor. They confuse the terms ‘grit and resilience’ with ‘burnout’, and so they shut off the warning signs that tell you that you need to rest. Eventually, you will cause harm to your mind and body, and ultimately this has a negative impact on all the things that you hold dear.
​
Burnout should be taken more seriously because research shows that it can thin the gray matter of your prefrontal cortex (the part of your brain that is responsible for important functions such as reasoning and decision-making), and it can enlarge the amygdala (the brain’s alarm system). As a result, our alarm system goes into overdrive, sensing threat when there is none, and we are less able to mediate this heightened state with cool, calming reason.

When our amygdala is in overdrive, this activates the sympathetic nervous system, our ‘fight-or-flight’ response, and this can lead to excess production of cortisol (the stress hormone). There is plenty of research to show the health implications for excessive cortisol levels, including increased blood pressure, diabetes, and heart disease.
 
What you can do
Any attempts to calm the amygdala will help to reduce burnout. This can be tackled on a couple of different fronts – your body, by activating your parasympathetic nervous system (your natural rest and digest state), and your thought process, by challenging the short-circuited thought patterns that lead to these heightened states of stress.

In terms of your parasympathetic nervous system, you can activate this through various different methods, including simple breathing exercises or calming visualizations. I have set out some exercises on this page, so try each and start to repeat (on a daily basis) the ones you enjoy.

In terms of your short-circuited thought patterns, try to watch for assumptions or beliefs that might trigger the amygdala. For example, you have been working late and you see your boss talking to HR. By assuming that they are talking about you, you are personalizing the situations and jumping to conclusions. They could be talking about a whole range of issues other than you. You are also catastrophizing, because even if they are talking about you, you are assuming it will lead to something bad, such as losing your job. You need to calm your mind by looking for evidence against this, such as a recent positive performance review, or the fact that the Great Resignation has left companies currently desperate to keep their employees.

A key component to all of this is to adopt a compassionate tone to your self-talk. Throughout my years as a psychotherapist, I have found this to be one of the most underrated factors in recovery from burnout. When we judge ourselves, we end up feeling even more alienated, and this serves to worsen the symptoms of burnout. The first step to recovery is to recognize how much pressure we have been experiencing, and adopt a kind, compassionate voice, talking to ourselves as if we were talking to a young child. When we can direct compassion inwards, we are in a better position to then direct that compassion outwards, and learn to connect with, and help, other people. There is no better antidote to the cynicism and apathy that burnout can create than recognizing some sort of good that we have thrown out into this challenging world.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook  

​Just when we thought things were calming down with the COVID pandemic, we are faced with the prospect of another world war.
We might not have the option to avoid chaos, but we have a choice over how we respond to it.
 
Chaos can hijack your senses, making you feel trapped. Day after day of uncertainty can leave your head spinning, and yet you can give yourself freedom by focusing on each breath.
As you notice each breath, your parasympathetic nervous system takes over, and you can feel free to settle into a moment of calm.
 
There are some who thrive on these world events, and they may breathlessly catch you up with every painful update.
You have every right to calmly, kindly say no, and ask for a little break from the subject. You can do the same by temporarily disconnecting from social media.
 
Mindfulness is about gaining distance from the chaos.
You can do this by focusing on your breathing, and simply noticing each thought, feeling, and bodily sensation that emerges.
This distance gives you the choice about how to respond, rather than to react impulsively.
 
I hope you found this useful.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook  

Every person’s experience of trauma is unique, but there does tend to be a familiar pattern that forms a toxic trio of

1. a sense of terror;
2. a sense of being overwhelmed; and
3. an intense shame.

Trauma is difficult to manage alone.

If you recognise the signs, seek professional help. With the right help, it is possible to learn to trust and grow.

Find out more about trauma, and how to find the right professional help, in Beyond the Blue, available at all good book retailers.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook #trauma

It worries me no end that there are attempts to ban books, and this is clearly the act of a cowardly bully. As all bullies know best, they are attempting to coerce others by using their power to silence others. What better place for a bully to start than in schools and libraries.

What troubles me the most about these attempts to ban books is if you look at the books they are trying to ban. As author Laurie Halse Anderson points out, they only want to ban books "that are written by people of color, people who aren't Christian, any books that are discussing the honest history of the United States... because they want to go back to a world in which white, heterosexual, cisgender, Christian people can feel like they own everything".

And Laurie Halse Anderson would know more about this than most, as her book 'Speak' has been included in the list of books being banned.

Laurie adds that 'censorship has nothing to do with protecting children. It has to do with protecting adults who don't want to have difficult conversations with those children".

Laurie will be discussing this at a virtual panel discussion on 18 March, and I will certainly be listening in.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook  

There is no quick fix to depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, or trauma, and there is little you can do to completely isolate yourself from these challenges. But there are tools and strategies that can keep you resilient, so the impact is lessened.
 
As I explain in Beyond the Blue, you need to know how to prepare for these darker days, what to do when the storm arrives, and how to prevent yourself from getting blown over the cliff’s edge, plunging you from disturbance to crisis. To do this, you (and your loved ones) need to recognize the signs of depression, anxiety, and trauma. Without understanding what you are dealing with, it is hard to know what might help.
 
Once you understand that it is depression, anxiety, or trauma, you can learn how to use some of the survival tools that you are already carrying. In short, these are tools to help you regulate your emotions, challenge unhelpful thought patterns, and adjust your behavior as needed.
 
You also need to learn how to construct and maintain a shelter of resilience, and this is an ongoing process that takes time and energy.
 
Learn more about this by taking the first step Beyond the Blue of your depression, anxiety, relationship conflict, and trauma.
 
Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

What a weekend we have ahead of us - the Game, and Valentine's Day!

This is a good opportunity to bond with our loved ones, and yet our relationships might have been under a huge amount of strain over the last couple of years. We have endured a pandemic, and this might have brought financial pressures, a need to teach our kids at home some of the time, and to work and live under the same roof for longer periods of time than we have ever experienced.

Now is the time to fine-tune our relationship skills, and one of them is to remember that subtle balance of intimacy and independence, namely 'secure attachment'. In other words, we enjoy connecting with our significant others, but we also respect independence (theirs and ours). Going back to when we were really young, if we were securely attached to our caregivers, then we trusted that when they were out of sight, we were not out of mind. When they left, they were going to return.

If we are not securely attached, we might be anxiously attached, where we crave intimacy at the expense of independence. For example, the space in between each text message gets shorter and shorter. Or we have to know everything that they are up to, otherwise we cannot focus.

If we are not securely attached, and we are not anxiously attached, we might adopt a more avoidant style of attachment - where we leave longer and longer periods of time between communication with our loved ones, and we prefer independence over intimacy. And then there is disorganized attachment, which is a mixture of the two, leaving our loved ones bewildered by the disorganized nature of our relationship.

If all this gets you thinking of how you connect to your loved one, and if there are ways that you need to work on relationship conflict or anger, check out the relationship chapter of Beyond the Blue.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook

I can't get enough of Stanford Neuroscientist Dr Andrew Huberman's research. It really supports many of the strategies I use with clients to help with their anxiety and panic attacks.

For example, meditation and breathing exercises can help people to teach their nervous systems "to be comfortable in uncomfortable states" (Dr Andrew Huberman), putting their brain in an optimal state to function.

The trouble is, so many say they don't have time to do this. However, research shows that the recommended 'dose' for meditation/breathing exercises is just 13 minutes a day.

Check out Dr Huberman's fascinating video here.

If you need some breathing exercises, I have plenty here.

I hope you find this useful, and I hope you manage to carve out that all-important 13 minutes each day. But if you sometimes don't manage to, be kind to yourself and try to understand rather than judge.

Chris Warren-Dickins LLB MA LPC
Psychotherapist, author of Beyond the Blue, and LGBTQ+ advocate ​
#beyondtheblue #beyondthebluebook​